Comments on: Sundowner’s Syndrome

By: Brenda

Brenda — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 01:13:08 +0000

to Maria Nekludoff: Of course, as you say, “death is knocking”, but this does not mean we have to let our loved one endure the torment of sundowner’s if there is something, ANYTHING, we can do to lessen their discomfort for the time they are with us. The same God who makes people senile also gives caregivers the intelligence and strength to search for solutions. We may fail, because senility is a natural part of aging, but we will not fail because we have given up. Each of us must deal with the inevitability of death in our own way–and this website has helped me on many a long dark night. Best wishes to all who are still raging against sundowners, and to those who can more peacefully accept it.

By: lucy

lucy — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:02:42 +0000

As i finished reading all these posts, all of this I can relate to as my mom suffers too. Its nice to know that we live in a country that allows us to communicate and realize we are not alone in all this. God bless all of us.

By: cnichols

cnichols — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 18:25:38 +0000

In light of a book I recently read, I thought I would recommend it here in reference to Sundowners Syndrome. It’s called “When Pigs Move In” by Don Dickerman. He is a Christian—and this book talks very straight about the ministry God gave him as he was dealing and ministering to mostly prison inmates. He found so many of them (even the ones who had become Christians) still had certain torments—that they just couldn’t get a handle on—had demonic attachments. It was simply a matter of casting them out in Jesus name. Many in our culture today—will think this is way too spooky and would not happen in the USA—but I encourage you to read the book. He is very down to earth. If any of you read the Bible—he gives many references to this being a necessary part of our walk as Christians. So—–he also mentions many other areas that he sees these problems—and some are with people with emotional disturbances —such as Sundowners Syndrome or panic attacks or many mental illnesses. One typical comment people say they feel—is that they feel tormented. Even Pastors can have these attachments—which one I read about had gotten an attachment through a visit to a foreign country (where vodoo was commonly practiced) on a mission trip. Or—these can get passed down from previous generations, or through traumas….so many different avenues. My mother has some form of dementia—–which has been incredibly painful because of her seeming to be normal one minute—then go into a rage with all of these crazy accusations against my husband and me. Since reading the book—I have been praying differently for her—and have seen an improvement! Things are not totally solved—but improvements. I am not a professional—but know with all that I am dealing with with her—I am willing to look into whatever may help. Perhaps this book may be of help to you.(I ordered mine from Amazon)
God Bless and I hope your loved ones find some help.

By: Tanya

Tanya — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:04:53 +0000

To comment on Maria,
We as family of people who has be diagnossed with sundowners or dementia need people with postive feedback we know that oneday our love one’s will die but this is a outlet for us to talk with one another and share our experiences and help each other.

By: Maria Nekludoff

Maria Nekludoff — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:16:15 +0000

I’ve read some of the above comments, and, although I can certainly relate to everyone’s concern (my father died at 85 after 3 strokes, my grandmother lived to 101 and now my mother-in-law has been diagnosed of Sundowner’s Syndrome), part of me says:

30 years ago, it was normal for old folks to becomed SENILE! It was, for some, not all, a normal progression to DEATH. Yes, folks, if we live long enough, some of us will develop mental inadequacies. But today, we all want a reason, a name, and a magic pill to correct the condition. Wake up, folks. Death is knocking on the door, and this is just a precursor.

By: steve

steve — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 07:06:52 +0000

I’m taking care of my 95 year-old grandmother who, until only months ago, was fully independent and living alone. She had momentary memory lapses and her eyesight was severely impaired [macular degeneration] but, having lived in her home for 60 years knew it like the back of her hand. She fell and cut her leg and hid the wound from everyone until it got horribly infected. After I discovered it she went into the hospital and, later, a skilled nursing facility. She hasn’t been the same since. She sleeps a few hours at a time but fitfully. She’s anxious and fretful. Sometimes she thinks I’m her husband, other times her brother-in-law. I try explaining thing to her but it’s useless. They just aren’t retained for more than a few minutes. I’m very lucky in that she’s always very pleasant and appreciative. You have to know her well to tell that she’s angry about something. My hope is to do what I can to prevent illness or injury from taking her before she dies peacefully in her sleep. But I know that’s not up to me.

I’ve spent several hours here reading about sundowners after “Grandmother Ruth” got up at 9:00pm for breakfast and I knew I’d be getting another night of no sleep and being asked a hundred times why it’s so dark.

Thanks Brenda. Your honesty and compassion are encouraging. You did what you could— and then some. We’re all trying to make our way through this life with as much dignity as we can muster. Sometimes that means helping someone else hold onto theirs.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:31:58 +0000

Thanks for your kind words, Barbara. After much gut-wrenching thought, we have decided to put my 95 yo mother-in-law in a nursing home for a while. We hope we are doing the right thing, but we can no longer give her happiness or contentment here. She is as someone leaving a sunlit field and entering a dark woods of fearful sounds, like a baby constantly crying for help, she goes into sundowners at 2 in the afternoon, “I’d better get ready before dark.” She, even in her confusion, knows what is coming, and sees strangers in her house, calls to us for help, and wonders why no one will take her to safety? Why won’t we help her, she wonders?
We have only initiated the paperwork, and still have days ahead of guilt. Our hospice counselor gave me a comforting perspective on the situation I had never considered: after five days of hospice trying to give respite care for my mother-in-law, they were drained. The counselor said, “We are a full staff of professionally-trained medical workers. You and your husband have been doing this for YEARS, and you have only just now gotten tired. We only did it five days!” She told us we have been doing a great job of caring for her, and that the decision to try a nursing home does not mean we are putting her in prison, only that we are handing the bulk of her care over to professionals. So wish her luck in this new phase of her life. We bottomed out last week, and pray she will have some kind of peace and security, which is all we ever wanted to give her. All of you out there who are every day watching your loved one enter the dark woods and know too well you cannot go in there with them, have courage.
Be strong when you can, forgive yourself when you can’t, and let go when you must.

By: amy

amy — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 06:09:12 +0000

my 82 year old dad had his first episode of “sundowners” lastnight. He is terminally ill with cancer and lives with me(daughter) and my 9 year old daughter.
It was very strange, he had a bad day where his best friend for like 50 years had visited and he couldn’t seem to hold a conversation with him. He says that he stumbled over his words alot and felt terrible about it.
At about 8:30 p.m. he started asking really jumbled questions that didn’t make any sense. He was very persistent in asking things that I didn’t know how to answer because he was really confusing me.( His Dr.told me at our last visit about a month ago that she suspected he had an early form of dementia)
Finally I called the hospice nurse because he got paranoid that I was giving him the wrong medication and acted like I was tricking him into something.
they had me give him 0.25 mg of haldol, a very small dose. He slept all through the night for 12 hours and woke up fine today and had no symptoms tonight.
Wow was I relieved. I know that it will come back though….
this medication when given in very small doses can be beneficial to patients and does not have the same side effects as benzodiazepines like xanax and ativan. Those meds just make things worse with my experience.
Good luck to all.

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 05:40:58 +0000

READING ALL THE INFO FROM YOU GUYS HELP SHED THE LIGHT on my 74 yo husband who will be find all day, but around 4 pm his mind tell him to get into his car and drive, sees people that are not in the house, and forget who I am. He been diagnosed with dementia for 2.5 years, taking aricept and zoloft. Also klonopin for restless sleep and night terror. I am grateful that so far he sleeps well thru the night. Brenda I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this and don’t seem like any relief in sight. I pray God will give you more strenght and endurance. Be sure to take care of you, too. Hang in there! It makes me realize what may happen to our life in years to come. God Bless.

By: Brenda

Brenda — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 09:03:38 +0000

We were without electric for ten days here, and sundowners took over. After five days we sent my mother-in-law to a hospice respite facility that is supposed to give caregivers a break. When I picked her up today after the electric came back on at 4 am last morning, she didn’t know me, did not know she was going home, didn’t want me out of her sight, woke me up this a m with “help me! help me”–but nothing was wrong. This is how her fearfulness is manifesting itself, and this is new for us. She has almost no cognitive perception beyond what is happening in her mind. She cannot help herself, and I see the five respite days apparently made her worse–since we were snowbound we really didn’t get a break either. So one more option that I thought was a Godsend didn’t pan out. I see she wouldn’t survive a month in a nursing home, and that keeping her here at home is the only humane thing to do. But I honestly hate it, and whatever love I once felt for my mother-in-law is gone. I feel trapped, as she is trapped. I feel guilty that I lose my temper, and she doesn’t hold it against me the next day–because she cannot remember the hurtful things she says to me, and then I let loose with a few choice words myself. It does not relieve the stress though. Now, you’re thinking, reader, “this lady is going nuts” and you would be right. What IS the purpose of all this madness? I have been her primary caregiver for YEARS and I have had it. I have prayed and cursed and loathed her and myself and the next day…it all repeats itself. What is the goal??? I have lost sight of it. I can no longer see any good I am doing. My husband is not much help–it’s all too painful to see how his mom is gone and he now has to witness my misery too. I know I’m being selfish, but tonight I just don’t care! If it weren’t for this website I would just get in my car and drive and never look back.